2006-2007 NBA Predictions

So, my pre-season NFL picks are looking a bit shaky. Who knew Arizona was going to make me look so stupid? And the Redskins are just getting ready to hit their stride. So, there is no need to jump ship or lose faith in your trusty prognosticator quite yet. The NBA season is upon us; and as we all know, I'm money in the bank when it comes to hoops. So, let's go ahead and gaze into the crystal ball.

Eastern Conference

1. Cleveland Cavaliers: Sometimes, standing pat is the best thing a team can do in the off-season. The Cavs were close last year, winning 50 games during the regular season and taking Detroit to the brink in the second round of the playoffs. Lebron James has gotten noticeably better in each of his three seasons, and there is no reason to think he's anywhere close to tapping his ultimate upside. The Cavs will also benefit from a healthy Larry Hughes, a reinforced bench, and a year of experience from head coach Mike Brown. The Cavs are talented, hungry, and well, they have Lebron.

2. Miami Heat: It won't be a surprise at all if the Heat get off to a slow start. This is a veteran team that may very well be a bit fat and happy early this season following their title run last year. No matter their mental state, Miami is still the most balanced team in the East.

3. Chicago Bulls: I still don't think this team is built for the playoffs, as Ben Wallace became a liability for the Pistons late last year. However, a tough veteran frontcourt, coupled with a dynamic young backcourt and a strong bench will make the Bulls a formidable foe over an 82 game season.

4. New Jersey Nets: The reason the Nets can hang with most any team in the NBA? Vince Carter gives New Jersey a legitimate scoring option from anywhere on the floor at any point in the game. The reasonm the Nets can't hang with the top dogs in the East come playoff time? Vince Carter has been lapped by Dwayne Wade and Lebron James in terms of late-game heroics. He can't go toe to toe with either of those guys and come out a winner.

5. Detroit Pistons: The sound you heard last June was the window closing on this group of Pistons. Detroit is still tough. They are still a deadly perimeter team. And they will still win their share of games and cause headaches in the playoffs. But there are no more titles in their near future, the rest of the league has gotten too good.

6. Indiana Pacers: This group of Pacers is quickly becoming the East version of the TrailGangsters. Despite their thuggish qualities, coach Rick Carlisle still has a pretty talented group on his hands.

7. Washington Wizards: A solid team, stuck in the mud. Gilbert Arenas is excellent, but not quite as dynamic as James or Wade. He's needs help to get over those teams in the post season. Problem being, the Wizards are still incredibly weak in the frontcourt, and light on the bench. Once again, it will all fall on Arenas's shoulders.

8. Orlando Magic: A strong finish last year has folks in Orlando thinking playoffs. They aren't crazy. The Magic have enough talent to push into the 8th spot in the watered down bottom half of the East. Dwight Howard and Darko Milicic could give teams fits.

9. Charlotte Bobcats: This is "How to build an NBA team 101." In three years, the Bobcats have drafted a promising young center (Emeka Okafor), a girtty young point guard (Raymond Felton), and a dymanic young scorer on the wing (Adam Morrison). They have filled out the roster with other young players that each serve a definitive purpose. Charlotte is still a bit too green to make it to the post-season, but this team is going places, and if things go really well, it may be sooner than later.

10. Milwaukee Bucks: The frontcourt looks formidable, assuming Bobby Simmons wakes up from his season long nap. However, is Moe Williams ready to run the point full time? And do the Bucks have a viable scoring option outside of Michael Redd?

11. Toronto Raptors: Keep your eye on this squad. Brian Colangelo has a stellar track record of building winners and he's already made some moves to shake things up in Toronto. The Raptors have a good big/little comob in Chris Bosh and TJ Ford, and they've brough in several European players to add some scoring punch. This team is a bit of an unknown, but they look more dangerous than in years past.

12. New York Knicks: Oh boy. I see the Knicks playing with a bit more pride this year, but pride doesn't change the fact that this team has six players who all play the same role: Aging, overpaid, never-won-nothin' two guard with a bad attitude.

13. Philadelphia 76ers: You know, a team with Allen Iverson and Chris Webber should be better than this, right? Maybe if the year was 1999, but it's almost 2007, and thesedays, that duo doesn't scare anyone.

14. Boston Celtics: Someone please tell me what Danny Ainge is trying to accomplish. Better yet, someone please tell Danny Ainge what Danny Ainge is trying to accomplish. This team is Paul Pierce and a bunch of young, but not-so-talented young guys. A mess really.

15. Atlanta Hawks: Speaking of messes. Lots of youth, but no direction. It will be another long year in Atlanta, and once again, the locals will barely notice.

Playoffs

Cavs over Magic in 4
Heat over Wizards in 5
Bulls over Pacers in 7
Nets over Pistons in 7

Cavs over Nets in 7
Heat over Bulls in 6

Cavs over Heat in 7

Western Conference

1. Phoenix Suns: The biggest "if" in the NBA this year, is "if" Amare Stoudemire can stay healthy. If he doesn't, the Suns will be very good, and come very close to making the finals. If he does, you can eliminate the "very close" part. For now, I'm banking that he gives them enough.

2. Dallas Mavericks: No reason to believe Dallas won't be right near the top of the pack again this year. Deep and balanced, the Mavs will approach 60 wins once again. But during their 4 game skid in the finals, a few things were exposed-- namely, a lack of a true second scoring option behind Dirk.

3. Houston Rockets: From non playoff team to the third seed in the West? That's how much I like the off-season acquisition of Shane Battier. He will be the glue that finally sticks this team together. Yao and McGrady will go off as a duo this season, reinforced by the garbage man, Battier.

4. Utah Jazz: Someone has to win the Northwest. My money is on Jerry Sloan and a solid frontcourt.

5. San Antonio Spurs: The grind of the NBA may be catching up to Tim Duncan, as he never got rolling last year in the fashion NBA fans are used to. The Spurs are still clearly a dangerous team capable of winning it all, but much like Detroit, it seems as if the competition has caught up with them.

6. Los Angeles Clippers: A small part of me believes last year may have been a bit of a mirage for the Clippers. But then I look at the roster and see Brand and Kaman manning the frontcourt, which makes it hard to believe the Clippers will slip much, if at all.

7. Los Angeles Lakers: It will be a one-man show again for the Lakers. But when that "one-man" is Kobe Bryant, it's quite a show. If the Lakers can get something from their young center Andrew Bynum, they may be able to jump a few teams in the west. If not, Kobe will once again shoulder the load all by himself.

8. New Orleans/OKC Hornets: Quietly, the Hornets had a near-perfect off-season. They addressed their need for size in the draft, and also acquired Tyson Chandler from the Bulls. In the meantime, the signed Peja Stojakovich to add some scoring punch and open the floor for dynamic young guard Chris Paul.

9. Sacramento Kings: They came close. A few years ago, the had the Lakers on the ropes in the 4th quarter of the 7th game of the West Finals. But they couldn't close the deal, and they've been steadily dipping ever since. The Kings still have a pulse, but losing coach Rick Adelman will hurt more than many people expect.

10. Denver Nuggets: This team is always on the cusp of total implosion. George Karl is NOT the man to lead this bunch, and it will get very ugly in Denver this year.

11. Golden State Warriors: The Warriors have become a somewhat "cute" playoff pick this pre-season, but the people making those claims obviously haven't take a long look at theirfrontcourt. There is "small" and then there is silly-- the Warriors are silly small on the inside, and while Baron Davis and Jason Richardson will put on a nightly show, they will struggle to win with their lack of size.

12. Minnesota Timberwolves: The "76ers of the West," Minnesota has simply missed their window of opportunity. Kevin Garnett is holding this franchise above water all by himself, but not even he can tread much longer.

13. Memphis Grizzlies: Much like his arrival in Houston will boost the Rockets, Shane Battier's departure from Memphis will hurt the Grizzlies. And the the serious injury to Pau Gasol ensures a slow start for a team that can't afford one.

14. Seattle Supersonics: If an entire NBA game could be played beyond the three-point line, Seattle would be in good shape. The Soncis would be best served to trade Ray Allen and start over.

15. Portland Trailblazers: If Portland doesn't have the worst record in the NBA this year, I will walk from here to Oregon, barefoot and naked, with a sign reading "I'm an idiot" hanging from neck. Now, THAT will give Portland fans something to look forward to!

Playoffs

Suns over Hornets in 5
Mavericks over Lakers in 6
Rockets over Clippers in 5
Spurs over Jazz in 5

Suns over Spurs in 7
Rockets over Mavericks in 6

Suns over Rockets in 6

NBA Finals

Cavs over Suns in 7 (Lebron ends Cleveland's title drought and writes another chapter in his increasingly legendary book in a game 7 for the ages).

Anatomy of a Brainwashing

Yes, this is normally a sports blog. But this is a matter of national interest and must be heard now. Thank you.

Grey’s Anatomy fandemonium is sweeping the nation. It surrounds us. It consumes us. It mesmerizes us. And it proves that the American public are the easiest prey for TV execs when it comes to force-feeding really, really bad television shows.

Yeah, I watch it. Sister-in-law told my wife and I about it. Kind of liked it last season. Started watching again this season. I am now appalled at what I see.

Television is an escape—I am aware of that. It is not supposed to fully reflect real life. However, a show like Grey’s is supposed to succeed because people can relate and empathize with the characters and situations. A few examples of how unrealistic this whole charade truly is:

The main character, Meredith Grey is “conflicted” beyond the point of any reasonable human being. She had a dysfunctional family, she’s had some (self-imposed) relationship problems, her mother is now ill. It appears that all of these things give her the green light to be a complete whore. She sleeps with a married man, several times. In between these indiscretions, she manages to become bedfellows with a grieving widower AND have sex with one of her best friends, who happens to be madly in love with her. Then, she hops back in the sack with the married guy. Lovely. All the while the show paints this picture of “quirky” and “lovable” girl who just can’t quite find her way in the world. In TV land, she’s “conflicted.” In the real world, she’s a self-absorbed, narcissistic, nympho.

As for her suitors—you’ve got two guys who are BOTH hooking up with her. Each guy knows that the other guy is hittin’ it, yet neither seems to mind waiting it out to see who she eventually chooses. After all, she is “conflicted.” These dudes are weenies, period. Anybody who can watch his girlfriend get it on with another guy and then say, “well, I hope in the end I’m the one” deserves to lose—the girl AND his manhood.

How about Izzy? OK, so you killed your boyfriend with the bad heart? Boo hoo. It happens. People that require heart transplants sometimes die. Perhaps things may have turned out better had you focused on his medical care? Anyone else think it’s a good idea for a guy needing a heart transplant to have a whirlwind romance with his doctor? Didn’t think so. So, you knock off your new boyfriend, quit your job, and start baking muffins. Really?

George? Total loser. If I’m ever in Seattle and need emergency surgery, please steer me clear of this whiny little man. He’s in love with Meredith and attempts to seduce her during a moment of weakness. She gives in, has sex with him, but starts crying in the middle. George then tucks tail and hides for three weeks. Complete wuss. He gets his haircut, falls in love with a girl four times his size (who also happens to be a doctor at the hospital), and suddenly falls OUT of love with Meredith. Now, he’s struggling saying “I love you” to his new chick because he wants to “mean it” when he says it. Check please….

Sandra Oh is a whole new story. Just like the other interns at the hospital, she might as well change her name to Sandra Ho because she was in bed with her superior about 10 minutes after checking in. And you know what?—we get it. She’s “tough.” She’s a feminist. Got it. But is anyone THAT big of a cynical bore?

Bailey? Could we please over-exaggerate the “strong black woman with an attitude” cliché’ just a bit more?

Aside from ridiculous characters and hokey plotline, Grey’s Anatomy didn’t totally jump the shark until I visited the mall recently. That is when I saw the giant ads featuring Dr. McDreamy and Meredith pimping for a national clothing company. Now, I can’t say I blame Patrick Dempsey for trying to cash in while he’s hot. The last time we saw him before Grey’s, his name was Ronald Miller and he was selling his soul (and the money for his telescope) to a rich chick in exchange for a piece of ass. So, horde that money while you can Pat—because your show hasn’t just jumped the shark—it’s rocket propelled itself over the shark, into outer space, past the planet formerly know as Pluto, and is now drifting in an abyss of television wasteland.