If Only Selig Had the Guts

Once again, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig has swung and missed. His announcement that George Mitchell has been hired to lead an investigation on past steroid use in the sport is yet another feeble attempt at redemption. Unfortunately, in the long run this investigation will prove pointless. It will prove to only deflect blame and line up scapegoats. It will not solve the problem. It will not clear the air. What Selig and his advisors fail to realize is that the damage has been done. And no amount of asterisks or apologies will rectify the image of the “steroid era” in baseball.

What MLB needs is leadership at the top. A leader who can move the sport forward instead of forcing it backward. A leader who understands that there are far more guilty parties in this case than anyone is willing to admit.

Since Selig won’t do what needs to be done, I will do it for him. He could call one press conference, read one statement, and this entire situation would be over. Baseball could move forward and never look back. What Selig needs to do is step to the podium and say this.....

“I have called this press conference today to inform you that Major League Baseball has cancelled the investigation by George Mitchell into the steroid scandal. Furthermore, we have decided to call off all investigations of players’ past indiscretions. While many may view this announcement as taking the easy way out, we have concluded that it is, in fact, the only way out.

First of all, if baseball were to continue this investigation, we would need to start the snooping in the league offices. We would need to start it in my office, and in the offices of the commissioners and officials who came before me. Clearly, baseball leadership allowed a terrible problem to fester for years without blinking an eye. Despite evidence of rampant abuse of performance-enhancing drugs, most baseball executives failed to make any decisive moves until the problem raged so far into the public eye that we had no choice but to act. What has followed has been a wild disgrace of blame-shifting and finger-pointing. Everyone is at fault.

Secondly, after much research, we have determined that any investigation will prove to be unfair, as we have never quite been able to clearly identify what constitutes a "performance-enhancing" drug. We do not know exactly when the problem started. We are not completely sure where to start, or who to investigate. Obviously, there have been some very highly publicized incidents involving high-profile players. But we are not interested in lynch mobs or witch hunts. If we are to do this, we are to do this uniformly, fairly, and without regard to the stature of the person being investigated. Unfortunately, it is simply too unrealistic to proceed with this process under those parameters. Sadly, we must face the fact that we dropped the ball so badly on this subject, that there is no way to investigate the issue while maintaining the integrity that it deserves.

Many people want to know what we are going to do about the record books. The answer is simple: NOTHING. As I said earlier, there is no discernable way to investigate all allegations fully; therefore there is no way to address the record books across the board. There will be no asterisks; there will be no erasers. Baseball has faced similar situations in the past. All elements and eras have not always been created equally. We have not erased records set in the first half of the 20th century even though African-American and Latin players were not allowed to participate. How can we notate a record set by a batter when we aren’t sure whether or not the pitcher he faced was also cheating? How do we determine team records if their players were cheating? Do we erase World Series champions? Do we take away rings? Unless we discover a way to definitively expose all methods of cheating in the past, we will not be able to address the record books. The books will remain the same. The only asterisks that will exist will be in the hearts and minds of the fans, which is really the only place it matters.

We have concluded that the past will forever be left in the past. Our focus now turns to the future. Baseball has survived gambling scandals, work stoppages, and price increases. At each juncture, the game has proven to be bigger than those who participate in it. It has survived. It will always survive. From this point forward, all we can do is acknowledge our colossal mistakes of the past, and make every effort to avoid this situation in the future. Our testing policies will be very strict. We will hire the best people to help baseball stay on pace with science, and stay ahead of the cheaters. We will clearly define what cheating means, and we will clearly define how to punish those who are caught. If there are still players throughout the league who may be under suspicion, the only court they will deal with is the court of public opinion.

Today marks the first day of the rest of Major League Baseball’s life. Fans can do what they please with the memories and records of the past, and take solace in the fact that we have taken a strong stand to forever rid baseball of those looking for an unfair advantage.

Baseball is the American game. And Americans are smart. Do we really need an official investigation to let us know that cheaters were prospering? The answer is clear, and so is the solution. Look in the mirror, take your share of the blame, and move on. That’s what we’re doing today.”

Smart Fans Plan Ahead.....Way Ahead

The “refresh” button on my internet toolbar can be quite the temptress. Every time I hit that thing, an entirely new world of possibilities presents itself. Nowhere was this more evident than on Thursday at 1:00 p.m. Central standard time at NFL.com, as the league announced the schedule for the upcoming season.

At 12:51 I hit refresh to see if perhaps there had been an early leak. No luck. At 12:53 I gave it another try. No luck. At 12:57, I figured it was close enough. No luck. At 12:59, I assumed I’d waited long enough. You guessed it—no luck. Finally, at precisely 1:00, I hit the refresh button and was greeted with the screen I was so desperately seeking. I took a deep breath before proceeding to the page displaying the Washington Redskins 2006 schedule. Not only was I about to glimpse the dates and times of the games for the upcoming season, I was about to glimpse my life schedule for the fall and early winter.

People always ask me how I’ve managed to balance rabid sports fandom with marriage, work, family obligations, etc… They are usually surprised to learn that it’s hard work. It takes serious planning, scheming, and sacrifice. But planning is the key. That’s why the release of the schedule stirs up so much emotion inside of me. It gives me a glimpse as to what I will be up against come the second week in September. The Redskins first game may not take place until September 11th, but the plotting MUST start now (early April) in order for me to ensure that I can satisfy my Redskins’ hunger while managing to avoid divorce court.

I’m not exactly sure what I have to offer this world. I’m not particularly inventive. I’m not particularly smart. I’m certainly not an athlete, and I can’ t sing a lick. But what I can do is provide die-hard football fans a survival guide for the grueling 5 month process of trying to follow a football team. I will use the Redskins’ schedule as your guide. Apply these principles to whatever team you follow, and always remember, it’s never too early to start weaseling your way towards the couch.

Monday, September 11th (6:00 p.m.): Vikings at Redskins

This is an easy one. My wife seems to consider opening weekend a free pass of sorts. She knows I’m about to burst by this time, and I’m pretty much allowed to watch all the action without hesitation. The Redskins open on Monday Night, which is exciting, but also presents a potential challenge. With the earlier evening start, I could be in danger of making it home from work just in time for kickoff—that’s not good enough. It takes time to prepare for a game, and a few minutes won’t cut it. I may have to take the afternoon off. But what if an emergency comes up at work during the day? Can’t have that, so it’s probably best to just take the day off. Memo to self: Take personal day on September 11th.

Sunday, September 17th (7:00 p.m.): Redskins at Cowboys

Two prime-time games in a row? The NFL must think pretty highly of the Redskins this year. My wife understands the Redskins-Cowboys rivalry well enough to know not to mess with me during these games. So, I’m safe on that account. However, I can’t just jump into Redskins-Cowboys without some warm-up games earlier in the day. That’s when I’ll play the “birthday card.” I will turn 29 on the 13th, and I can ask my wife for a day of uninterrupted football—you know, as a present. How can she say no to that?

Sunday, September 24th (12:00 p.m.) Redskins at Texans

Only an amateur would play the birthday card once. I’ve been around long enough to understand you must stretch these things to their outer limits. My parents live in Houston. That’s where the Redskins land this week. Well, if my birthday present from them is a trip to the game, then obviously I’ll ensure my presence for another week. Memo to self: Plan on being in Houston the fourth weekend in September.

Sunday, October 1st (3:00 p.m.) Jaguars at Redskins

Ok, this is the first week things could get a little sticky. I’ve had three weeks of relatively free sailing, so I need to be prepared for the hammer to drop this week. This might be a good time to cut my wife off at the pass and offer to do something out of the ordinary. Maybe a nice evening out on Friday or Saturday? It’s a late afternoon start, so I could even plan something for Sunday morning/early afternoon. Memo to self: Don’t drop the ball the first weekend in October.

Sunday, October 8th (12:00 p.m.) Redskins at Giants

My sister-in-law’s boyfriend is a Giants fan. If I make plans to watch the game with him, then everyone will be so happy that I’m making an effort to connect with him, that no one will question my motives. And if something should come up, I can always just say, “But I made plans with Adam, you wouldn’t want me to let him down, would you?”

Sunday, October 15th (12:00 p.m.) Titans at Redskins

Every year, I designate one game as expendable. I usually try to choose a home game against a sub-par team. If I simply MUST miss a game, then this one will have to be it. I will do everything in my power to watch, but in the end, this is one that may need to be sacrificed.

Sunday, October 22nd (3:00 p.m.) Redskins at Colts

Got a little problem here. My wife’s birthday is the next day. But no one celebrates their birthday on a Monday. So that means we’ll be celebrating sometime this weekend. My best move is to simply plan a big party myself—-for Saturday night. If I take charge of the planning now, then no one can undercut me with an unexpected party that Sunday afternoon. I mean, this is the Colts we’re talking about. Possible Super Bowl preview? Memo to self: Be prepared for the unexpected leading up to her birthday.

BYE WEEK

Not only does the off week come at a good time for the Redskins, it comes at a good time for me. There is a good chance I will be skating on thin ice following my wife’s birthday weekend, so this is a prime opportunity to make up for it. I can NOT let this weekend go to waste. I must plan some special things, possibly even a vacation.

Sunday, November 5th (1:00 p.m.): Cowboys at Redskins

Round two of the rivalry. With good vibes flowing from our vacation during the BYE week, I will be in no danger of missing this one.

Sunday, November 12th (1:00 p.m.) Redskins at Eagles

The NFL is throwing a wrench my way this year. Starting this week, they will move one Sunday afternoon game per week to the evening slot. They will not announce this until a week or so beforehand. So from here on out, I must be prepared to be flexible in my scheduling.

Sunday, November 19th (1:00 p.m.) Redskins at Bucs

Last year, I took a trip with my wife and in-laws to Kansas City. My father-in-law and I went to the Redskins-Chiefs game, and the girls spent the afternoon shopping. I had planned that trip MONTHS in advance and it went so well that everyone thinks I should do it again this year. I’m thinking this would be a good week for that. The ladies would love a weekend in Florida. Memo to self: Start researching flight packages to Tampa.

Sunday, November 26th (1:00 p.m.) Panthers at Redskins

Dodged a bullet. I was fearful the Redskins would be playing on Thanksgiving this year, but thankfully, they are not. Turkey-Day games are nothing but trouble for me. Now, if I’m simply a cheery, hospitable, family man Thursday through Saturday, I should be all set for an uninterrupted Sunday. Memo to self: Be sure to remember to give thanks to the schedule-makers for giving you a stress-free holiday.

Sunday, December 3rd (1:00 p.m.) Falcons at Redskins

There’s going to be a lot of pressure around this time to start the Christmas shopping. I can take advantage of that by making plans to spend all day Saturday at the mall. One day in hell for an afternoon of heaven the next day? Fair trade.

Sunday, December 10th (1:00 p.m.) Eagles at Redskins

I get really nervous about the weeks leading up to Christmas. Everyone and their dog wants to have a holiday party. Most of these parties take place on a Friday or Saturday evening, but occasionally, you get some yahoo that wants to have you over on a Sunday. But this is a HUGE NFC East match-up, and I can’t take any chances here. So, I may need a preemptive strike. I should bring up the possibility of having our own little holiday get-together this weekend. That may keep us occupied to the point that we’d have to decline any other invitations. Memo to self: Disassociate with any people you think might have a party on a Sunday afternoon.

Sunday, December 17th (1:00 p.m.) Redskins at Saints

This is the last of the games I may possibly try to attend. New Orleans is a quick flight away, and landing tickets for this one shouldn’t be too tough. I should find a buddy to “invite me” for a weekend in New Orleans, so that it will appear rude to turn him down.

Sunday, December 24th (1:00 p.m.) Redskins at Rams

Well, I’m pretty much screwed here. I’m not sure even I can wiggle my way out of this one. Redskins-Rams is not a marquee match-up by any stretch of the imagination, so I can’t rely on having the game on national television. That means I’d have to rely on my satellite package to watch the game or a sports bar if I happen to be out of town for the holiday. That’s a tough task on Christmas Eve. Hopefully, the Redskins will have things locked up by this point, and I can potentially miss the game without too much stress. But if this game matters, I’ll need to put on my best scheming hat. Memo to self: Pray for a Christmas miracle.

Saturday, December 30th (8:00 p.m.) Giants at Redskins

We start on prime-time and end on prime-time, so that means the NFL is pretty hopeful that the Redskins will be a contender this year. This game could mean everything, or it could mean nothing at all. Either way, I’m in good shape as it avoids both New Year’s Eve celebration days.

This plan should cover my butt for the majority of the 17 week season. If things go well, I’ll need to make a similar plan for the playoff push. If things go REALLY well, then I can use the Redskins’ BYE in the first round of the playoffs to earn some brownie points. And if things, don’t go well at all, well, then it’s time to start planning for basketball season.